This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i think my cat just said my name.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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