can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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