why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
