he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
