guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
false alarm, still single
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
