Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
