dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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