My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
