you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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