We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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