It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
