did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
