We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
