A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
