Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
