dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
