Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(740): View more from Ohio

hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara

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(807): View more from Ontario

at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

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(813): View more from Florida

Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.

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(706): View more from Georgia

On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care

(571): View more from Virginia

That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.

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