Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
