i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
