WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
