They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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