I can text with my tongue
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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