Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
