4 words: hood of his car
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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