you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
