Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So drunk its hurt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
