I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
