I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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