how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
