How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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