Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
