You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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