I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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