ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
birth control should be required to get into college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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