I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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