I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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