I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
