I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
there is glitter all over my balls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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