One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
