Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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