Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
