I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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