I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
