My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
