I want you more than these girls want KFC
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
