Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
