i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
