I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
