I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
