So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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