who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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