He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
