SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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