Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
