Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
