you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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