she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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