Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
