Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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