Non-Jews are for practice
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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