I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
