did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
