Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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