Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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