Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Girls should come with a carfax report
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
