maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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