What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
