quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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