I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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