Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
