What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
