bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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