so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
