I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
