Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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