So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
