You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i believe in u and ur pee
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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