Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
